somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
