if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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