We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
