i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
