Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
