i permit you to call me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life is pants optional.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
