So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
