well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
