I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
