how do flat chested girls get laid?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
