Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
