Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
