pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
only you would photoshop your dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
