The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
