Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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