just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
