It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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