i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Found the puke drawer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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