Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
