O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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