So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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