you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
