HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
