Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
