we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize