If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
