I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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