Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
