In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
