whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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