I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
