What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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