Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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