i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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