we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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