I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
