dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
