arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
