Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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