I just pynch a tree in the face
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
