btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
