Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I deserve this hangover.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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