Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
