I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
