I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
