I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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