Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
