you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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