I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
