She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
