The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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