We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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