My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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