so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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