I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
