ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
