WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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