At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
