He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
