I have demons in me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
