Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I forget how to act sober
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
