They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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