she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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