some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
