So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope mine doesn't look like that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
