my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
