I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
