I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
