I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
