he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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