i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
