if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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