pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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