i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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