i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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