The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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