Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize