He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
