"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
