I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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