He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
