Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
please come you make the beer taste better
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
