just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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