I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
