i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
