Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
